2017 Reading Challenge

Popsugar Reading Challenge Book# 20

This next prompt was for a genre I had never even heard of. I happened to be at the library dropping off my last book and decided to ask the librarian what it was and for a good recommendation. As it turned it, this genre was the young lady’s favorite and she gave me a good suggestion for my first foray into it.

A steampunk novel: Boneshaker by Cherie Priest

Ezekiel Wilkes is a 15 year old boy with questions. Questions his mother, Briar Wilkes, refuses to answer. They live in the Outskirts, a muddy and poverty stricken shamble of houses bordering a two mile high, seamless wall that was built to contain a toxic yellow gas that rots everything it touches including human flesh. Zeke believes that inside that wall are his answers and one morning he slips through a sewer drain and enters what was once the bustling and wealthy city of Seattle, Washington in search of his mother’s old house.

When his mother finds him missing, she needs to find a way into the city to get him back and will stop at nothing to do so.

What follows next is an adventure involving zombies, desperate souls trying to hold onto their crumbling past, power hungry men taking advantage where they can, and the struggles of a mother trying to save her son from a past she is trying to hide.

Going into this prompt, I was a bit worried. The description I was told of the genre, victorian era sci fi, wasn’t all that appealing, however, once the book got going I found myself deeply interested and not wanting to put it back down.

The time period is the mid 1800s and I found it really interesting that the author explains herself in the back of the book because she veered from accurate history to make her plot make sense. In this version, Seattle is bustling due to the influx of Klondike gold and many future buildings and streets are already in place. I found this odd since the entire book relies on the suspension of reality: the premise is based on a toxic gas leaking from the earth that turns people into zombies. Not being familiar with the genre, I am uncertain as to if it in general follows as closely to the real world as a rule.

While the book at first glance is about fighting zombies and opportunistic, power hungry men, at closer inspection the themes that run through it are much deeper.

 When the wall went up some people decided to stay behind and turned the rotting city back into their home. They built tunnels to avoid the zombies, found a way to make beer out of the toxic gas and learned how to both filter the air and make sealed off clean rooms. The life they lead is far from perfect, but as they put it it is a life of freedom. It brings to light the ideas of home and what makes a good life. 

The other major theme is that of protection. Briar has strived to protect her son from their mutual past, but in doing so she sent him off in search of answers in the one place she didn’t want to him go. In begs the reader to ask how far one should go to shield others from a past you couldn’t control. 

The characters themselves are likable and realistic and the more you learn the more you want to know about each one. The ending is left open which is my least favorite, but I suppose it leaves room for interpretation. 

It was a really good book and makes me want to add this genre to my list of favorites. 




The Girth Saga

One day soon you may see me on the news laughing with a manic look in my eyes as I burn a massive pile of girths to ash.

To say I am frustrated is an understatement.

Saw this at the tack store. Really wanted it. Didn’t do it.

When I first got the jump saddle, I went out and put it on Gem with her saddle pad and took a string to measure from center billet hole to center billet hole keeping the string tight. I got 51″.

Her dressage girth is slightly too big, but makes everything snug on the highest hole. It measures at 24″. She probably could use a 22″.


Played hookie at work last Friday and took the kiddo to see Smurfs instead. Best Friday ever.

Armed with all the knowledge I went to the tack store. I wanted a 50″ based on what I measured, but they lady talked me into a 44″ based on the adage of adding 20″ to the dressage. The dressage has super long billets and the jump average short ones, but she owns the shop so I believed her.

When I tried it on Gem, I couldn’t even reach the first hole pulling as hard as I could. It was a good 2-3″ shy while being buckled on the bottom most hole on the opposite side.

I was annoyed because now I had no girth and shouldn’t have let her talk me out of what I wanted. I returned the girth and she told me to get a 46″ but I wasn’t believing that. It was only 2″ longer than the one I couldn’t get on at all and I wanted the 50″ based on my measurements.

A week later it arrived. I happily, and quite stupidly, pulled the tag off and tacked Gem up Monday night.


The damn thing is to fricking big. On the highest holes it is still looser than I am comfortable with and forced me to use the second and third billets instead of the first and third. Which then let the saddle slip forward a bit. Nothing major but not perfect.

Yellow irises are blooming in the yard. I love spring

The tags are off. I can’t return it. And I can’t really use it. I’ll sell it online hopefully, but now I’m still without a girth.

And I have no idea what size to actually get. 44″‘was way too small and not usable. 50″ was way too big and not usable.

48″ or 46″?

I’m sure whichever I choose won’t work, but I will likely get the 48″ for fear that the 46″ will also be too small.

My endurance saddle used western rigging and Gem goes in a 20″. It’s way more forgiving though which these English ones are not.

Can I just invent a new way to attach a saddle to a horse?


I Jumped a Course!

First time ever. Definitely deserves a title exclamation point.

So Monday night was lesson night and I dressed Gem in her jump gear. Trainer was right on board with attempting a course before we hit the show, so we began with some flat work focusing on the canter then began to jump. Nothing super earth shattering and limited photos, but I had a lot of fun and built up some major confidence.

We started by just going over a simple cross rail. The first time Gem slammed on the breaks and just walked over the cross rail, but she went over and never stopped so there was that. The next time I actually put my leg on and she popped over and cantered away. After that we strung fences together.

Approached going away from the camera

Jump 1 was this brown cross rail with pink flowers. I hesitated, got all nervous and took my leg off. Gem stopped. Not surprising and not her fault. If I’m not 100% committed to the jump, she will not go over.

Trainer told me that I have to go into it with the mentality of getting over the jump no matter what. I don’t tend to stare at the jump, but I do tend to lose all confidence and back off right before it so she told me to have the mentality that I want to go to x and there just happens to be a jump in the way. Gem does not over jump at all and will not go bolting away so really the only issue is me and my brain.


From there we circled at the far end of the arena to approach jump 2, my first ever vertical. It rode fine as long as I got Gem looking at it in advance and we popped over no problem.

Trainer told me that Gem has no clue what is coming and is not yet looking ahead for jumps. She is green and it will come with time, but for now I need to give her the longest approach possible so she sees it. She thinks most of our jumping issues comes from Gem not thinking we are going to jump so she is always surprised at the last minute when we get to it.

Approached coming towards the camera

The vertical led right to this Red Cross (so my phone keeps capitalizing it as if I’m talking about the American Red Cross and I am tired of trying to correct it so you get this version) rail with flower filler. It was actually really great because it made me get Gem back to a trot quickly and set back up for the jump.

I didn’t get a picture of the next cross rail but this line was the mirror image of the vertical to Red Cross rail only. By this time Gem was actually beginning to catch on to the game and was looking for the jumps.

Trainer was really happy by this point. She said that Gem actually started to look ahead here and she saw her prepare two strides out for the first time. On my end, I noticed that Gem’s ears actually pointed towards the jump and not back towards me. This also resulted in her balancing a couple of strides out which in turn made the jump smooth and much easier to ride.

After the cross rail we turned left down the far end of the arena again and ended with these two jumps. I majorly failed the first time and Gem ran out at the last minute. It would have been our second refusal if it had been a show.

We came at it again and it went fine.

We repeated the course a second time and I actually rode it and Gem did great. I gave her a big huge and pat and was grinning from ear to ear. My first course!!

I’m not sure why I get so freaked out jumping. Gem doesn’t over jump at all and she never bolts away from it either. I’m just not 100% comfortable with it though I really want to be. With time I’m sure it will get better. I’m actually not a particularly brave person at all, but I don’t let fear completely stop me from doing what I want. It just makes me really conservative.

Doing an entire course was really good for me too. I had to focus on my approach and bringing Gem back down to a trot right away, so I couldn’t stop riding after a jump nor could I focus on what went wrong.

At the end, we wandered over to the dressage court so I could run through the test quickly in a small court to see how quickly things come up. That’s when Trainer said that she could tell Gem was having fun once she understood the game we were playing. That makes me really happy to hear.


100 Miles: 1 Year Later

May 7th marked the 1 year anniversary of the coolest thing I’ve ever done on horseback as well as a dream 4 years in the making come true. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for Facebook bringing up my posts from the ride, I would have missed the anniversary. Looking at those posts as I completed each loop gave me goosebumps all over again. Gem gave me her all that day. 18 hours and some odd minutes (I think it is 3 but I could be wrong) of ride time and she never quit. In fact, if the ride had continued past 100 miles that night, she would have let me tack her up, mount up and head off into the darkness again. She was amazing.

In honor of her and the accomplishment, I am adding the ride story here. It is worth a walk back down memory lane for those who read it already and for those new to the blog, it gives you an insight into what all we have been through before this new journey.

Originally posted on http://www.agemofahorse.blogspot.com on5/11/16. Ride date 5/7/16.

I have a new motto in life. I began saying it in jest about two weeks out from Biltmore when Gem was acting crazy, but I will continue to use it more seriously for the rest of my life. It has deep meaning to me and has helped to ground me in many ways over the last month.

“It’s nothing a hundred miles won’t cure”

Sleep was hard to come by Friday night and I finally gave up on the idea just shy of 3 am and crawled out of the warmth of the sleeping bag, kissed Wyatt on the cheek and headed out into the dark, cold morning. I had 3 hours to kill before ride start, but the knots of nervous anticipation in my stomach wouldn’t let me settle on any one task. I was thankful when the clock finally read 5 am and I roused Dusty from his own cocoon of sleep to help watch over Gem and make sure she didn’t roll and break all her tack to pieces while Liz, super crew extraordinaire, went to check us in.

I’m pretty sure the words “I hate ride start” spewed out of my mouth a dozen or more times as the group of us hand walked Gem down to the starting line. Liz probably wanted to slap my helmeted head at that point, but waited until the 5th loop to do so instead. Regardless, the trail was eventually proclaimed open and I mounted up to head off in a small pocket behind the front runners who were already out of sight.

 LOOP 1: 14.5 miles, orange.

The only picture I took the entire first loop. This was taken on foot the day before as I walked Einstein


The start heads down a trail I would see pieces of a lot that day. The “river road” is a gravel trail that follows the French Broad River and orange took us upstream past camp a ways before making a sharp left turn into the woods.

Gem was in beast mode and just wanted to go. She was kept to a dull roar as we half trotted and half pranced down the lane passing horses along the way. I was tense and nervous and introduced myself to those I passed warning them all that it was my first 100. We passed a nice couple of ladies who were also doing their first 100 and I tried to tuck Gem in behind them, but she was having none of it and we blew past and into the woods.

It was at the perfect time too. Gem was just starting to lose patience with my death grip on the reins and had begun to flip her head back in forth in a very clear pissed off mare gesture. The trail went up, up and up some more into the woods.

Thankfully, right around that time we came across a lovely woman going for her third attempt and Gem decided that they were worthy of her company. As we climbed the hill, the two previous ladies fell in behind us and by the top we had caught up to a larger group in front of us as well.

The trail climbed, dipped back down and traversed ridge lines staying predominantly in the woods along gravel strewn trails and down access roads. At some point I realized that I was actually having fun. Gem was moving along steadily and with flare and hadn’t spooked once. I looked at my Garmin and it read 5 miles. A record. It usually takes 10 miles for me to have fun.

At some point, and the loop is pretty fuzzy due to nerves, the ladies behind me moved on ahead never to be seen again. I hope they got their completion. I stuck with the group we were with as we powered along through the woods at a good clip.

Sooner than I had planned by about a half an hour, we popped up along the back side of crewing and headed in. I jumped off Gem once crewing was in sight, loosened her girth and dropped the bit. I also remembered to text Liz and let her know.

The first hold was a bit frazzled as Liz and I learned our ways around each other and Gem. Liz grabbed my in time slip so I could head straight to dropping tack and sponging. We came in at 7:59 am, so the loop took us 1 hour 59 minutes from the time the trail was called open.

**Slight aside: Dusty was being helpful and recharged my Garmin halfway through the ride. Unfortunately something went hay wire when he did this and the loops won’t upload. We will figure it out, but until then all times will be taken off the ride card and speed based on the in and out times.**

It was a cool morning, but Gem had covered the 14.5 miles at an overall 7.5 mph and was sweaty. Three minutes after arriving, we headed to the vet where Gem had a CRI of 40/40 and received all As. The vet asked me if I even rode her on that loop. She looked like I had just pulled her out of her pen for the day.

We headed back to my trailer for the 50 minute hold and Dusty and Liz got to work on feeding, electrolyting and babying Gem while I sat down and ate some donuts. I was very nauseous coming off the loop and had barely touched the water in my camelbak. Dusty topped it off again and I changed out of my fleece riding pants and into my tights for the remainder of the day.

Gem eating during the first hold. It was cold enough that I wanted her cooler on her the entire time. 

LOOP 2: 20 miles, black access to green

Gem had settled down pretty well during the first loop, so I made the decision to drop the bit. Liz was smart enough to shove it in the camelbak so I would have it just in case. I headed out alone down the gravel drive behind crewing and hit the river road once again only this time the trail took us downstream.

It wasn’t long until my companion for the second half of the first loop came up behind us. We crossed through a field of lush grass and over a new horse bridge to head into the woods. The black trail is a mix of woods and gravel roads as it leads you to a concrete bridge giving access to the west range of the estate. It was just the two of us for the first 3 miles as we made our way to the water troughs and spotters at the bridge.

Once we reached the water trough, Gem dove her entire head up to her eyes into the trough. I have never seen her do this before. She tanked up deeply. Gem is the most polite horse at communal troughs and food stations. She never pushes anyone away and I have never seen her make an angry face at another horse. She just takes her turn, drinks until she is full and then moves away.

There was a big pile up at the bridge crossing and at this point we all stuck together. I got to be introduced to some pretty “famous” riders in our region and was in the company of some really spectacular riders. The 10 of us kept together as we left the black trail and picked up green on the other side of the bridge.

I had been dodging a rising sense of nausea since the hold. I believed it to be due to a slight dehydration and forced myself to drink frequently from the camelbak. By the time we crossed the bridge, the bladder was half empty and my stomach was settled.

At the back of a long line of horses


Two horses up was Steve Rojeck, famous for competing over 200 one hundred mile races and being the nicest person on the planet. 

Green is a lovely trail winding through the woods, along fields of lush grasses and past old farm buildings. We went past cows grazing, sheep playing with their new lambs and saw herds of deer galloping among the trees. The footing remained mostly gravel with some sections of dirt floor in the woods.

Unfortunately, we were going fast. Faster than I had planned and faster than I was comfortable maintaining for the long haul. Try as I might I could not contain the fire breathing monster that was Gem on this early part of the loop. She was determined to keep up with the front runners and we had already cantered nearly the entire first loop and had just cantered 5 more miles of this one. She was blowing right through my side pull and was not tuned in to me at all.

When we reached a water trough roughly 5-7 miles in, I pulled over, got off and shoved the bit in her mouth while allowing the others to move out away from us. We would do the rest alone and in a more sedate mind frame.

How lovely to live in that house?
Lots of gravel roads and room to move out

Gem was extremely unhappy with this plan. She listened to the bit, but was furious and stressed. She continued to move out at 9 mph as before as she tried her best to catch everyone else. I was no longer having any fun.

My brain raced at all the ways we were going to get pulled. We were going too fast. Way too fast. Finally, around mile 10 we caught up to four of the original group at a water trough. The leader was a wonderful high mileage rider with a ton of experience and one of the nicest people I have encountered on the trails. I made a decision. I could either continue to fight Gem for 10 more miles and hit camp with a stressed out and unhappy mare or I could just let her go. We might get pulled for going too fast, but at least we wouldn’t get pulled for metabolics in a horse with blown ulcers and a mental breakdown.

When we all left the water trough, I tucked in behind and let go. I started having fun again.

Back in with the group of 4 ahead of us

Gem was happy to be in the back for quite a ways and then something just snapped. She wanted to lead. The ladies were more than happy to give their horses a mental break from the job and I was happy to see something other than a horse butt in front of me.


Eventually green ended back on black and we made our way across the bridge again. Gem was not brave enough to lead across the bridge and from that point back to camp she remained behind the others.

Angry that she wasn’t in the lead anymore, but not wanting to go in front either. Its hard being half insane. 
This bridge can give horses a lot of trouble in crossing, but Gem marched across it trying to continue to trot when all I wanted was a walk. 

Back on black, we took a slightly longer route back than we did going out and this took us past the Biltmore Estate.

The Biltmore Estate. I would pass it four more times during the ride, but those were all at night.

From there it was a short jaunt to camp. Way back at 14 miles, I had texted Liz that we were coming in much faster than the predicted 4 hours. In fact, we hit camp at 2 hours 48 minutes for a 20 mile loop. Liz hadn’t gotten the text, having taken advantage of a long reprieve to nap, so when I hit crewing she wasn’t there yet. I texted her that Gem was in and hot. As luck would have it, my two friends riding in the 30 LD and sharing my crew spot were in for their hold and Sheree was quick to help sponge and scrape Gem. Liz came running into crew and helped finish the job.

Gem vetted in after 3 minutes in crewing with a CRI of 56/48 and mostly all As. The vet said she didn’t run after me with enough spark so gave her a B for impulsion and attitude. I was fine with that and took her over to camp. Liz and Dusty went to it with Gem as I downed half a stick of real, hard pepperoni and a block of cheese to get salt and protein in me. I followed this with an entire can of Mt. Dew.

Hold #2

LOOP 3: 17.4 miles, blue

Once again it was time to tack up and head out. Gem was feeling just as fresh as ever. I believe we left the hold 2-3 minutes late and this short amount of time left us completely alone for the loop.

Blue starts off behind crewing but before it reaches the river road, turns to the right by the horse barns and heads up into the woods. Blue has some wicked elevation gains to it and was the hardest for the two of us.

This trail led to and from crewing for the first three loops. We got to know it really well. 
My favorite type of trail. Twisting and turning through the woods.

Gem was in no mood to fly at this point and I let her walk it out. We crept along at an astonishing 2.5 mph pace while I began to recall not peeing during the hold and regretting that immensely. By 2 miles in, Gem was still acting like she was about to die and couldn’t possibly put one foot in front of the other any longer. It was around 1245 or 1 pm at this point and the day was heating up quickly.
Then we hit the hill from hell. This gravel hill never ended. It just kept going up and up and up. I would see a bend and what appeared to be the top, but once we reached it all I could see was more hill to climb.

Starting to go up
Still going up
About a quarter of the way up, I felt a cold wet sensation in my nether regions. I had a split second panic attack that I had in fact, at age 34, peed my pants. It took a few moments to realize that my butt was also soaking wet and it was coming from the camelbak. Phew.

I stopped Gem and pulled it off to take a look. It had been refilled at the hold and I assumed the cap wasn’t on right as it can be tricky. Nope. Everything looked good except there was freezing cold water everywhere. A few more minutes of climbing later and I couldn’t take the freezing water any more so I dismounted to empty the bladder completely. Since I was on the ground, I took the time to pee as well and then hand walked Gem the rest of the 1 1/2 miles up the damn hill.

Gem was very much not happy at this point
It was a real low point of the day. As we trudged along at a snails pace, I texted Dusty to let him know my issues. Gem was acting half dead and I was certain that my decision to let her run fast the first two loops was coming back to bite me. I swore to her that I would RO at the hold if she was still punky and if we ever made it.

At the top of the hill, I got back on and prepared for a slow, arduous walk along the remaining 14 miles of that loop with a big old pull at the end. Gem, however, wasn’t ready to cash in the chips just yet and surprised me by jumping into a lovely 6 mph trot that ate away the miles.

As we were cruising along the lovely dirt footing, thankful to be rid of the gravel for a spell, it dawned on me that we were almost 40 miles in and Gem had not spooked a single time. She hadn’t even taken notice of the sticks, logs, cows, sheep and deer we had passed on the trail. This was the most pleasant ride I had ever had on her. Apparently Gem just needs a 34 mile canter warm up before all rides.

We continued on solo, making good time now that she was no longer feeling sorry for herself and I no longer had a constant trickle of ice water down my butt crack. She laid down some lovely 8 and 9 mph miles as we climbed the hills and dodged along the ravines until blue eventually dumped us back onto the river road way upstream of where orange cut off. As we made the 90 degree left hand turn to on the river road, a couple of ladies doing the 55 came along behind us. I told them that they were welcome to pass us at any point, but they were happy to have someone else in the lead and Gem was not in the mood to be passed at this point.

Going under the interstate
We finished the remaining 10 or so miles in the lead at a wonderful 8 mph pace. Gem was bold, brave and having the time of her life. It offset the ridiculously slow initial miles nicely and we ended up coming into crew just shy of 3 hours after we had left.

I had texted Liz early on that I was majorly overheating. I had dressed completely inappropriately in three shirts and a vest and that coupled with my lack of water for 3 hours had led me to be extremely overheated. My face was bright red and I was light headed. She brought ice cold tea for me and agreed to trot Gem out for the vet.

Three minutes after arriving, Liz took Gem over to the vet where she had a CRI of 48/42 after 52 miles. It was really interesting to get to watch her trot out. I had never had anyone do that for me before and while Liz jogged Gem down the lane and back I had a chance to talk to the vet who was my favorite of the entire ride. I told him about my concerns with the early fast pace and why I had decided to let her go. He agreed with me 100% and told me that you have to ride the horse you have that day. Holding them back that much is just as bad as running them into the ground. He thought I was riding very smart and that made me ridiculously happy. He gave her As down the line and we headed off to the hold where I shoved my face with watermelon and mandarin oranges to get sugar and water in me. I was sleepy tired at this point, but felt great otherwise. I had no pain anywhere and had no thoughts of quitting.

Liz fond two holes in the bladder of my camelbak which had caused the leak and graciously offered to let me use hers for the rest of the ride. She really was super crew.

LOOP 4: 17.7 miles, red

At 4:09 pm Gemmie and I headed out on the notoriously hard red loop. Ride management had warned everyone at the briefing that they put this loop when they do to make the 100 even harder. It is the most technical of all the loops.

Red starts off like the rest of the loops behind crewing but makes a right instead of a left immediately and avoids the long gravel stretch. I immediately fell in love with the loop and told Gem that it was just like our conditioning trails back home: single track and winding through the woods.

Favorite trail type
She started off characteristically sluggish and I let her walk it out until she was ready to trot around mile 1.5 or 2. She was then ready to give me her wonderful extended trot again even solo and was still being bold and brave. Unfortunately, the footing was awful. While the gravel was absent there were large hoof eating rocks and roots everywhere that created slow going for the overly cautious likes of me.
Wonderful trail at a great time of the day
We picked our way along the trail moving out when possible and the endurance motto of “never hurry, never tarry” ran through my mind a million times. Riding smart is the key to success in this sport and having banked a lot of time early in the ride, there was no need to rush it now and risk a lameness over gnarly trail.

We came to a very steep downhill section and I got off to hand walk Gem down it and give her a break. Liz had stuffed carrots in the pack and I spent the time hand feeding Gemmie as we walked down the hill in the late afternoon heat.

Hand walking the mare. The bit remained in for the rest of the ride after her refusal to listen in the second loop
Heading down the open trail making time when possible
Hills, hills, lots of hills
Gem was starving by this point too. She had eaten her hay and grain well throughout, but she was ravenous. Any blade of grass was cause for an immediate slamming of the brakes and a quick snatch. She couldn’t get enough grass in her and I texted Liz to bring her nicker doodles to crew to shove in her face. She texted back a surprised “are you here already?” to which I replied no way, but wanted to give her a heads up.

Red dumps out on the same river road and just as I was turning back on the gravel road, two ladies on beautiful greys came up behind us and over took us. They were also doing the 100, the first for the junior rider but one of many for her sponsor. They were from Canada and were in the FEI division. Gem paced extremely well with their two horses and was happy to have company once again so we tucked in behind them.

We were going slower than I wanted to at this point, below 6 mph, and had I been alone I would have pushed her a bit more to get moving. As it was, the ladies ahead were taking it slowly and would walk all the up and down hills in the woods while making up time by moving out on the flats. Gem wasn’t too thrilled with the walking and would have preferred to trot the entire time, but her stomach won out and she used this time to smartly stop and devour all the ferns and wood grasses while the ladies walked and then trot to catch up.

At one point I did mention that I would be passing soon to move out faster and they responded by moving out as well so we could all stay together for the loop.

I was much better at texting updates to Liz and Dusty by this point in the ride. I gave a half way warning and then a 2 miles out warning which seemed to work really well. I also texted Dusty half way out one simple word: BACON. I had been really good at keeping my hydration up thus far, but felt like I needed more salt in me. The salt and protein from my favorite food would fit the bill nicely back in camp.

Once back in camp, we moved through the process of sponging and stripping tack quickly and Liz once again trotted Gem for me while I talked to the vet and watched. Gem’s CRI was 48/48 and she once again had all As except for a B on skin tenting which I didn’t care much about given the fact that she dunked her entire head into every single trough we came across. This red loop was pretty barren of water. No natural water on the trail and they only had two troughs out on the entire 17 mile loop with the last one being at mile 10.

This hold was only 40 minutes and it went by fast. Liz had gotten my message that Gem was craving grass and had spent the time completely moving my pen to make it very big and very full of fresh grass. It was amazing to see and Gem appreciated it greatly. It would be the last time I would see Dusty since it would be past bedtime when I came in next. Liz added glow sticks to my breast collar and let me borrow her head lamp as well which she taped to my helmet. I had worn mine at the start since it was dark, but hadn’t taped it on. I have no clue when it happened, but when I came into the first hold it was gone.

I regretted sitting down, but the bacon was delicious and I dragged myself out of the chair and made the walk back down to the trail head. I didn’t know if I would ride with anyone on this next loop and I was more than a little terrified of riding in the dark, but there wasn’t much else to do. Gem looked just as fresh as she had that morning and had all As and amazing CRIs. In fact, at some point in the day, I believe after the second loop when we went near warp speed, Liz started calling Gem a FREAK. Everyone was highly impressed with my mare. I couldn’t quit due to a little fear.

LOOP 5: 15.5 miles, white river

I mounted back up at 8:12 pm and it was already getting pretty dark. I couldn’t see anyone else getting ready to head out and so, with a major knot in my stomach, I asked Gem to walk out down the backside of crewing. White started the same way as all the other loops, but went straight out onto the river road and downstream.

I was on the main river road, trotting along nicely at 8 mph (yup, she was still happily chugging along at an effortless 8 mph this late in the game) when I caught back up to the two greys once again. They had left a few minutes before us and I had never been so relieved to see another rider in my life. I asked them if I could ride with them, explaining that I had never ridden in the dark before and that I was beyond terrified of the prospect. They were happy to have me along and off we went.

I can’t tell you many details about this loop. It got dark. And then it got even darker. Thankfully, ride management kept us to the main river road which glowed eerily white in the darkening night. It was gravel and straight and flat and we made haste while we could.

I recall a guy catching up to us on his white horse at some point along this stretch and he was equally as happy for the company. He had been turtle all day long and hadn’t ridden with anyone. The four of us made our way and eventually passed the Biltmore house before heading into the heavy woods.

If it had been dark on the open road, it was pitch black inside the woods. I hung on, told Gem she was my eye sight because I couldn’t see anything and was thankful for the glowing white horses in front of me.

The loop seemed to never end and we stayed in the woods for what felt like an eternity. All I could remember as we neared crew once again was the yawning depth of the dark woods and the fact that this night was a new moon. The sky was not providing any light for us.

Liz met me with Gem’s cooler, feed, treats and hay. The hold was only 30 minutes and we would be spending it in the crew area that was nearly deserted. Gem vetted in with a CRI of 54/48 and had all As across the board. The vet remained impressed with her.

Vetting in the dark.
Jesse, the guy who joined us, had the same out time as I did, 11:55 pm, but we couldn’t see the other two anywhere. Liz tried to get me to eat, but I had lost my appetite at that point. I managed some oranges while trying not to think about having to go back out into the increasingly dark night.

When the out time came near, we wandered over to the out timer. One lady was present, but said she couldn’t release us and needed to find the lady who could. She had 1 minute. When the other lady was located and we were allowed off, Liz helped hold Gem and somehow managed to whack me upside the head with the metal end of my reins. Since my brain was already firing on only a few neurons, it didn’t make much of a difference but did provide entertainment for those standing around watching, Thank god for helmets.

LOOP 6: 14.1 miles, white river

Jesse was right beside me in crewing and we left very near to each other to repeat the same loop we had just done. Neither of us knew where the two ladies went and we kept looking through crewing as we walked back to the river road.

Dessia quickly caught up to us a few minutes later. Unfortunately, her junior rider had been pulled for a sore back and cramp at the hold and it was now the three of us.

My mind was calmer this time around having not died the first loop in the dark and I was able to concentrate on the glow stick markers and the surroundings a bit more. We were travelling at 2 mph and had 6 hours to complete the 14 miles. At this rate we would be OT and my addled brain, which had stopped functioning around mile 74, started to race and I got grumpy for the first time all day.

I remarked to my riding companions that we needed to move. They responded that we had plenty of time and that it was too dangerous to move out in the pitch black woods. I replied that we only had 6 hours and that our current pace would put us solidly over time.

Poor Jesse and Dessia were doing their best to calm me down. They had both completed this ride before and remembered the white river loop accurately. The first half was in the woods and was hilly, but the second half was all on open gravel road where you could easily make time. I didn’t remember it that way. I remembered deep, dark woods.

I eventually shut up realizing that I had no choice. While Gem had still yet to spook on this ride and was actually braver in the dark than she ever was in the light, I was not. The thought of leaving my companions to head out faster alone was not appealing and so I took a deep breath, trusted my new friends and went with it.

The woods were even darker this time through and we made a few piloting errors trying to find the way between the glow sticks. Dessia’s horse was sore on the down hills and so she was dismounting and hand walking down all slopes. I got off a few times, but felt it better to stay on Gem than add the stress of getting on and off multiple times. At one point we all realized at the exact same time that there were no glow sticks anymore and hadn’t been for a while. We turned around and quickly found the turn we had missed and the fallen glow stick that was ground into the dirt and near impossible to see.

Once we hit the open road, we moved out again. Gem was happy to be trotting once again and even asked to canter, but I wasn’t having any of that. She knew exactly where she was and where this trail led and wanted to be back in camp NOW. She even charged ahead and led for a long while making quick work of the gravel road heading home.

Three miles from the finish I began to get some serious vertigo. The world began to spin as I sat in the dark, not being able to see anything but the glow of the white horse in front of me. The other two did not use glow sticks on their horses and while I did, they didn’t help in any way. I began to drink more water hoping that would help. If we were trotting or cantering, I was fine, but walking or standing still to try to figure out where we were was bad.

And then there it was. The finish line. None of us wanted to race in. We knew we were towards the end by attrition of all the others being pulled and there was no need to get anyone hurt at mile 99. Once the white tent and bright lights of the finish came into view all my vertigo left. We had done it. We had gone 100 miles and Gem was still pulling my arms out and crossing the finish at a 9 mph trot.

Liz met me at the finish as planned. The finish is 1.2 miles away from vetting and you have 20 minutes to cover that distance. The original plan had been to hand walk Gem in, but after talking with my new friends they said that was a bad idea. It was better to continue riding at a trot/walk cycle to keep them fresh and loose than get off and allow them to tighten up. I took their advice and we trotted the last mile in.

With a mixture of pure joy and longing for my bed, I watched as Liz trotted Gem out for me one last time. After 100 miles and 23 hours of work (18+ hours for actual ride time, can’t recall the exact time) Gem vetted in with a CRI of 48/48 and all As across the board with perfect gut sounds in all quadrants. The vet was amazed. Liz called her a freak and I fought back tears of joy.

I’m so proud of her vet card! 
Last vetting
Gem walked the final steps back to her pen and was set up with water, hay, grain and her red light weight blanket for the night. After she was settled I crawled into the tent and fought the nagging feeling that I was still trotting away down the trail until sleep overcame me.
All photos taken and collage made by Liz


Having been burnt once buying used field boots online, I was hesitant to do so again. The Dehners I got for $100 fit all sorts of wanky. Excessively tight in the calf and so loose in the ankle as well as too narrow in the foot. Ugh.

My dreams are filled with the Ariat Heritage Contour Field boot. The 6/regular fit me as if it was made for me. Drool worthy. But…. the kiddo needs a new summer wardrobe having outgrown everything from last summer and well that is just more important, so the $300 boots will have to remain on the shelf until such a time as I win a bunch of money or Christmas rolls around.

I took to the internet to see what my options were and landed on Riding Warehouse. They had the Ovation Synergy Field Boot on sale for only $68 and while they are synthetic versus leather, I figured it as worth the try. At least they were returnable and for $68, they could last a season or two while I make sure this new adventure is going to be worth sinking money into.

They arrived on Friday and while not the precise fit of the Ariat boots, they actually don’t fit that bad. The ankle is a bit too wide, but I have insanely narrow ankles so that isn’t a surprise. In fact, I could likely fit better in a 5.5, but they don’t offer that or at least Rising Warehouse doesn’t offer it on their site.

Overall it’s fine for a $68 synthetic boot at the beginner level of everything and will serve my purposes well. The only question I have left is WHY ON EARTH DO TALL BOOTS CAUSE SO MUCH PAIN OH MY WORD!!!

In other shopping news, somehow I managed to gain an entire pants size in 11 days 😦  I had tried on a pair of the Kerrits Microcord Full seats in the store in an medium and they were huge. The smalls for me very well. They only had them in black, so the store ordered me the small in tan. I thought it was a done deal.

I picked them up with my new Jump girth (yay! I can finally ride her in the jump saddle!!) Friday but when I tried them on they were awfully tight. Borderline obscenely tight. Um? How???


I called the shop prepared to be told I couldn’t return them since they were special order and all. Thankfully she was happy to take them back and put them out on the floor. I decided to just order the Irideon ones in medium in both tan and white. My endurance tights are Irideon mediums in both the Issential and Synergy lines, so I would hope it is a pretty safe bet that the mediums in the cadence would fit well. I’m sure they won’t.

In the meantime I am cursing at these field boots and wearing them around the house to break them in.


Then And Now

Continuing on my theme of reflection, I’ve been thinking a lot about the changes I’ve seen in myself and Gem since beginning lessons. Eleven weeks isn’t a lot of time and six lessons with probably 4-5 at home rides on my own aren’t a whole lot of rides and yet I have already noticed some major big picture changes that make me excited for the future.

The biggest and most important change is in her level of relaxation. Pre-February she was always high as a kite. Even when I took the two or three lessons with the BO at the last barn, she was incredibly tense, no fun and not enjoying herself in the slightest. Every little thing would set her off which in turn would make me more nervous and tense.

I treated myself to these used but in good condition Dehners field boots. $100. Only they didn’t fit, even when I got measurements from the seller, and apparently nobody else has size 6 feet so they are looking nigh impossible to resell. I hate shopping

Now? Well, now she is nearly bored. No, she doesn’t have collection and isn’t anywhere close to being on the bit, but she also isn’t incredibly nervous and tense anymore either. She is still reactive to my leg and seesaws between pokey jog and shooting forward, but it is more her not understanding that there is an intermediate response rather than her being a powder keg under me.

What is the difference? Did six lessons really create this? I can’t think of anything else that could have: while she moved home at the same time, her actual lifestyle has remained the same. She still lives with her BFF Pete, still is out 24/7, still has plenty of grass, same grain. I’ve thought a lot about it and I think the biggest difference is all in how I am riding her. My posture is more solid and reliable so she doesn’t have to worry about me. I’m being more firm with my requests so she doesn’t have to wonder what I really mean. I’m riding with more focus and intent, so she is well aware of what I want and when I want it. As Trainer pointed out, Gem really likes fair warning about anything coming up and doesn’t appreciate a surprise so by riding with more intention I am giving her that heads up with my posture.

Einstein is a super sweet dog who has the misfortune in life to be following in the paw prints of the best dog I will likely ever have. I still miss Bones deeply every day.

Also, I’m much more relaxed. Instead of freaking out every time she speeds up or cuts a corner, I now have tools in my box to prevent it. I don’t grab for her face and curl into the fetal position any more.  Instead, I sit taller and deeper and ask her firmly yet politely to rebalance, I use my leg to push her barrel where I want it to go, I half halt or ask for more to maintain an even pace.

Its all combined to create a much happier and more relaxed scene and I think we are both enjoying it a lot more than the tense fights we used to get into. In fact, I can’t recall that last time I actually got into a fight with Gem.

This has turned into the next big change I have noticed: more confidence in both of us. Gem is starting to really figure out that I am not going to abandon her and as such she is starting to rely on my guidance a little more versus her own self preservation. In turn, I am learning that I can control her and that there really isn’t much use to getting tense and curling into a ball. Who would have guessed that things would go better when you ride the horse instead of losing your own cool. Interesting. 

I very nearly bought these socks when in San Diego. I’m a desperate cheapo though and couldn’t fork out $30 for a pair of socks.

I’ve mentioned that I’m not really getting into dressage as much as I would have thought and that’s only partly true. When we do something really cool like lengthen and shorten the trot through just my posting, my heart goes all a pitter patter and I get all sorts of little school girl giggly. It would be embarrassing if I actually gave a crap about how I looked to others. Those rides are amazing. The rides like Sunday where we just worked on the minutiae of maintaining pace, geometry and halting well I got a bit bored. And so did Gem. Gem getting bored during a ride is a whole new territory for me. 

Are we excelling at this whole thing? No. We still go around with my elbows too darn straight, my legs tend to draw up when I go to use them instead of staying long and once I get off kilter with something my go to is still to be grabby with my hands. Gems nose sticks out a million feet, she goes from pokey to racing, her back is hollow and she has no idea what halt actually means or why she has to do it. 


Now that we are where we are, relaxed calm and happy, and now that I am learning how to use various tools to get what I want, I can start to work on those other aspects.

This would be a sign I would write. I spotted this one day walking around our downtown looking for Pokémon with Wyatt

And we are only six lessons in. I can’t even imagine where we could be a year from now. I get all butterfly in my stomach excited to even think about it. The possibilities seem endless right now and that’s an amazing feeling seven years in to owning this wonderfully frustrating mare. 

Who knows what will happen in June. I may crash and burn quite literally or we could excel. I could be reduced to tears, although that is unlikely given the fact that I’m not often reduced to tears in general, or I could be filled with joy. Any way it plays out, I’m proud of what we have accomplished this far and I can’t wait to continue on. 

2017 Reading Challenge

Popsugar Reading Challenge Book #19

My turn again and I was not excited about the prompt, but that is what this challenge is all about: going outside the comfort zone.

A book with career advice: It’s Only Too Late if You Don’t Start Now by Barbara Sher

Apparently life is supposed to come to a screeching halt at 40. Surprised? So was I. I hope she is wrong. I am 35 now and feel like the world is still endless and full of potential. According to the author, I won’t feel that way in 5 years.

The author breaks the book into two sections: how you got to the point of this mid life crisis and what to do now.

I will fully admit that while I started the book reading it thoroughly by mid point it turned into skimming. It was boring, it didn’t align at all with my own experiences and I found it hard to relate to.

Basically the author feels that it is perfectly acceptable to feel that way when you turn 40 and not only is it acceptable, but it is necessary. After 40  you become a brand new person with new goals, new beliefs and new perspective. That person is much more like the person you were when you were a kid and you can once again return to your true self.

Maybe my opinion will be different once I am 40, but my mother, who is 57, felt the same as me and didn’t connect with the book either.



Did I Make the Right Decision?

Eleven weeks and six lessons ago I started on a new riding journey with the goal to learn, improve my relationship with Gem and perhaps find a new competitive outlet. As I prepare to enter my first ever horse show, I think it’s a good time to ruminate on what has been accomplished thus far and where I’d like to go.

In the beginning I would have bet quite a lot that I would have taken to dressage and been scared of jumping. Eleven weeks later and I find myself not enjoying dressage all that much and nearly chomping at the proverbial bit to jump.

Our one peony opened up.

Part of the equation is that dressage is very boring right now. 20 meter circles, halting, trotting a ton and some little canter bits thrown in. There isn’t a whole lot to be excited about, but it also has to do with my innate personality. I’m much more of a shoot from the hip, ask questions later, why not go for it, type of person. It’s difficult for me to get lost in all the minutia that is dressage. It’s just not what I geek out about, I suppose.

Still, I understand the utility of getting at least the basics down and plan to continue with it and see where we go. If all was perfect, I’d love to reach first level with Gem as I think that knowing those skills and that level of connection, rhythm and balance is really important for basically everything else. I don’t see myself going to a pure dressage show, but you ever know. A year ago I never thought I’d be doing any of this.

But in the larger picture of honing my skills and wants to better be prepared for when Gem is retired, I think I can cross a dressage specific horse off my list. Sometimes knowing what I don’t want helps more just as much as knowing what I do want.

Wyatt helping brush Pete and looking like a mini Dusty.

As for jumping, I love it. There is so much that goes into it that I never imagined. The balance required, the planning, the rhythm. To me it is just like doing dressage, but with the added bonus of jumps thrown in. I love it. Gem isn’t so keen on it, but that’s ok. At 18″ she can deal.

I also like the speed of jumping a lot. While I’m only doing 18″-2′ cross rails right now, the fact that the exercises can be changed all the time keeps it interesting and not repetitive. This helps both Gem and me not get bored with doing the same thing for the dozenth time. While we basically are doing the same thing, it’s over a different jump, coming from a different direction or at a different gait which makes it seem new.

As of right now, subject to completely change, I believe I would look for a horse with some basic jumping skills installed with both a knack for and a propensity towards enjoying the work.

I have neither had the opportunity or the lady sack big enough to attempt cross country yet. Maybe this fall although Gem just plain hates bare wood and that’s basically what 99% of the jumps at my level include so it just sounds like no fun at all. Perhaps once we are both better at this whole riding thing we can attempt it and see. There are a ton of courses close by to school on so it wouldn’t take much to go.

Ack. This post is already getting long winded and I haven’t even gotten to what I set out to write about: the changes already palpable in both of us. I guess I will save that for another day.

For today, let’s wrap this up by saying that I 100% believe I made the correct decision in putting endurance on hold and exploring other disciplines with Gem. I adore my trainer and feel like she is the perfect fit for me right now. Gem and I are already so different than that first lesson it is incredible. I’m so excited for the new path we are on and I can’t wait to see where it goes.


First Run Through a Dressage Test

Towards the end of my lesson on Sunday Trainer had me run through the Intro B test a few times to see what issues popped up. There were plenty, but it was really interesting to run through it. More for my sake to look back on than anything, I’m going to run through the test here and add Trainer’s comments in bold after the moves.

Gem got all englished up this weekend with a new to us black bridle with white padding. I need to poke some more holes in the cheek and it was adjusted after this picture, but all in all it was a good fit. She looked really pretty in it too. It was only $40 so I can slowly change it out over time to upgrade if I want.
Enter at A, working trot and turn down center line: we majorly failed at this the first time mostly because I didn’t get Gem deep enough into the corner and she couldn’t get all her legs sorted. She got all jumbled up and nearly fell on her face which granted us a start over. Use the corner to my advantage, make sure I start looking at my turn well before, turn a few strides too early and leg yield over after the turn if I have to. It’s better than shooting past and swerving in. Sit up super tall and tighten my core to prepare for the turn and help Gem balance herself. 

Dusty came with me so there is media! He didn’t watch the practice tests as he was Pokémon hunting with Wyatt, but he still grabbed some decent shots. This is how we go right now: not super dressage like, but also not tense and giraffe like so I am happy with it. As for me my legs are under me and my body is bent to where I am going. My elbows are still too straight and my hands super wide but again it’s an improvement from where we were 2 months ago. I’m pleased over all.
Halt through medium walk at X, salute: The start of Intro B is rough for us. Gem down transitioned to walk ok but would not halt. It is a known issue. Once she did she decided to swing her butt around so we were facing 90 degrees away from where the judges would be. Not good. Would we even get a 1 for that? This earned us a break from the test and 15 minutes of halt transitions randomly throughout the arena. We then started over from the beginning again. Only let her do 2-3 strides of walk prior to halt so that the walk is more of a prolonged down transition leading to halt versus a true walk. This gives me more time to get her halted. Keep both legs on evenly to keep her straight during the halt instead of throwing them off her like I tend to do.  Do not salute until her feet are done moving no matter how long it takes. It is worse to salute while she is still moving than to take a few extra seconds to fully halt.

Better elbows. Hands still a little weird. But I’m having fun and Gem is calm and relaxed. Two big picture items that were hard to come by a few months ago. I also love how she is tuned into me with one ear at all times. 
Working trot to C, track left: this we could do! Gem transitioned up to the trot from halt sharply although she sorta western pleasure trotted to start. I gave her enough warning to make the turn at C and carried on our way. Get her into her good trot quickly not the crappy western jog she tries to get away with when bored. Use the corners to my advantage and get her all the way to the rail before turning. Make the corners round and purposeful. 

I appear to be on a circle. Gem appears to be on a straight line. Who needs bend when you can surf board your way through?
20 meter circle tracking left at C then go straight ahead: Gem finally got into her good trot and we circled ok. I managed to remember to bend my entire body and we did create a mostly circle shape but it was too small to be 20 meters. Remember to keep Gem looking to the inside of the circle, in a small dressage court I should only be 10 meters away from the end of the arena on either side of my circle and on the rail on the other two. Bend my entire body around the circle, not just my head and neck. Do not start the circle until my body hits E. 

Talking to Trainer about something. Notice how bored Gem looks? This is such a major win for us! In the past she was always high as a kite and so tense. I’ll take bored any day!
Between K and A medium walk: we kind of trotted right through this and walked after A. Not so great. Since Gem tends towards fast, plan to walk at the first letter to give me more time. 

I’m proud of how tall I am sitting. No more fetal position for me! It is feeling really natural too. Very exciting. Some day Gem will go along without her nose sticking out like we are in the middle of the easiest endurance ride ever, but that day isn’t today.
Free walk across F to E then track right: yeah so Gem has no free walk. She doesn’t zoom off once I lengthen my reins which is nice, but there is absolutely zero stretching down or ground covering stride. In no circumstance should I decide to follow her head and topple forward. This does nothing for either of us. 

Obligatory shadow shot
Medium walk E-H: I picked my contact back up but outside of that I’m not sure there was any noticeable change. Don’t ask Gem for more walk. We should get a 6 for what we are doing now. Going for more walk may get us an 8 if all lines up, but it is more likely that she will break into trot and earn a 2.

I’m out of media from the ride so here is a pic of Einstein missing me while I mowed. Dusty and I are no fun when it comes to mowers. He has stitched up too many lost dog toes, so Einstein is locked in the house and I have stitched up too many human feet so Wyatt doesn’t get to sit on or be anywhere near a running mower.
Working trot tracking right between H-C: we had a really lovely up transition here without any jogging steps. In up transitions, don’t ask too early since Gem is typically sensitive and ready to go. Do not ask before my body reaches H. 

Gem and Pete made for some nice road blocks. I finally had to clap and shoo them away.
20 meter circle at B: my circle was still mostly a circle but way too small. Bigger!

Dusty ran a hot and hilly marathon Saturday. I signed him up as a surprise two weeks prior. He was excited even though he had no time to prepare, but his training runs are in the upper teens to low 20s anyway. It ended up being 87F and 1900′ of elevation. He still finished 3rd in his age group and 16th of 48 overall. Wyatt raced him to the finish and bragged all weekend about beating him.
Turn down center line at A, halt at x and salute: I got Gem into the corner better but still failed to let her know we were making a sharp turn. She didn’t trip so that was a plus. The halt was much better but then I thought she was done moving and saluted and she moved. Use that corner, sit up tall and prepare her sooner. Wait until she is 100% still before saluting. 

We ran through it three times before calling it quits. One big glaring issue came up that needs fixing, but I’m not really sure how to go about it.

During the first part of the lesson, I worked hard to do the things Trainer asked and even began anticipating Gem better: I would half halt before Trainer had to tell me, added some leg here, pushed her out to the rail with my inside leg there. I wasn’t perfect, but I was actively riding the horse I had under me. It was amazing.

As soon as we began the test though, for some reason my brain leaked right out of my ears and I focused so hard on the moves I was doing that I stopped riding my horse. Oh we went through each move, but that was all I did. No more well timed half halts, no more inside leg pushing her out, no more balance and rhythm.

Turn here, trot now, walk now. That’s it. It was like all the lessons were gone and I couldn’t ride. It was frustrating and I am sure Gem was wondering why I abandoned her, got tense and stopped riding.

Not sure how to fix that. I think a big part of it was that I really wasn’t sure of the test itself. I wasn’t prepared to run through it and hadn’t memorized it yet, so I was working hard at just not going off course. Going into it knowing the test 100% will allow me to focus on riding more but I’m not naive enough to think it will fix it completely. I need to remember to ride. Any tips on that from those who have done this before?

2017 Reading Challenge

Popsugar Reading Challenge: Book #18

I think I am a little scarred by this one. This was my mom’s last pick of her two to get caught up and it was…mind blowing I think is the best description. I’m still trying to wrap my head around all the implications of the novel and I doubt I’ll ever fully grasp it all. Specially since the prompt was so innocent.

A book about food: Delicious Foods by James Hannaham

Eddie, Darlene, Scotty. Three main characters in a book so profound that your head will be left reeling upon completion.

The book begins with Eddie, a young man in his teens, driving as fast as he can in a stolen car, without hands. How he came to be missing both his hands is not revealed at this point and who he is running from is equally well obscured. All the reader knows in the beginning is that Eddie is running towards St. Cloud, MN and his estranged Aunt who he hopes will be his salvation.

The book then jumps back in time to introduce Eddie’s mother, Darlene, who enters the novel making one bad decision after another. She meets her husband when she steals him from a sorority sister, gets run off the college campus and follows him on his idealistic and naive dreams of being a small town African American activist in the racist south.

When her husband is brutally murdered for his speaking out against the white politicians in his small town, Scotty enters the picture and remains the voice of Darlene throughout the remainder of the novel. Scotty is Darlene’s method of escaping the brutality of her recent past and she loses her mind and body to it: crack cocaine.

Bad decisions begin to pile up and eventually lead Darlene to being fooled into entering a minibus and signing a contract to work on a farm: Delicious Foods. Once she arrives she finds out that the contract is really her enslavement, that those who run the farm are vicious and cruel and that there is no escaping. However, being paid with cocaine isn’t so bad after all and Darlene begins to wonder if she really wants to leave.

From the very first pages, this novel is haunting and difficult to read yet also difficult to put down. It is an expose on destructive behaviors, how the hopeless manage to survive and modern day slavery and exploitation. I was never able to fully glean what era the book was set in: post Vietnam War, but pre-modern age. Somewhere in the 70s and early 80s, I believe.

Darlene as a character is hard to sympathize with. The loss of her husband turns her from her son and onto the streets as a prostitute looking for any way to earn enough money to get more cocaine. Her treatment of her son borders abusive, but is more neglectful than anything. Some deep part of her knows that her actions, her addiction, is wrong and that she has gone far astray of the path both she and her beloved husband wanted for her, however she is unable to turn back onto it.

Eddie is only 6 years old in the early part of the book and has to grow up fast. He never fully understands what the death of his father means and he has no good adult in his life to teach him. His mother is lost to cocaine, his aunt turns her back on them both as punishment to Darlene, and even his neighbors find him more trouble than they care to deal with. When he finds his way to Delicious Foods, he finds his own form of salvation although it comes at a great cost.

This book will remain with you once you have finished it. I will warn you that there is foul language, violence and sex throughout. If it had a rating, it would be R. The text can be hard to follow when written from the cocaine’s voice and made the flow hesitant and hard to grasp although this was likely intentional and showed the fragmented brain of those under the spell of the drug.