The first quarter went really well. I could feel the improvement in Gem’s over all willingness to participate in this new discipline and start to relax into the work. The biggest change was in her attitude of saying yes instead of no. This got me all fired up for the second quarter and I sat down to write out the list of goals I had.
Which was about the time reality and a big dose of panic hit and I realized this quarter was going to be a wash. If I’m lucky.
Currently I am qualified in foot and ankle surgery. This May I will be sitting for my certification exam and spent the better part of February banging my head against the wall trying to collect the requested documents for the case submission part of the exam. Now it’s time panic about the computer portion of the test.
Failure is not an option for this test. If I fail I lose my hospital privileges. If that happens I’m screwed.
Studying in school was easy. It was my job and I had nothing else to worry about. I graduated with a 4.0 from medical school due to my ability to focus on studying and studying alone. Having a very understanding husband who never fussed about my 14 hour study binges was a big plus.
Studying in residency was also easy. We had weekly meetings to cover various topics and scenarios. I ate, slept and breathed surgery often times scrubbing in for my first case at 6:30 am and my last case at 7:30 pm that same day. I was surrounded by it. Passing the qualification exam was made possible by this.
Studying now feels impossible. I have a full time job that isn’t all surgery all the time and is instead once a week. I also need to run the business. Then I come home and be a mom. Cook dinner. Feed the horses. If I’m lucky I get to sit down and study at 8:30 pm after Wyatt is in bed and I’m already exhausted from my full day. Keeping my eyes open and my brain focused until 10 pm gets harder and harder as the week days go by.
It’s not going so well. I’m scared shitless I’m going to fail.
All that to say Gem is getting a vacation until May 9th rolls around and my life can resume. It’s bad timing. We will lose a lot of what we gained. But not losing my business is more important and so it must be.
No riding. Must study.
No arena renovation. Must study.
No lessons. Must study.