The Roaming Rider

It took me more years than I care to admit to train my brain to not shut off on the flat. I’m still a more reactive versus proactive rider than I’d like, but I’m a heck of a lot better than I used to be when basically my brain would go on vacation as soon as my butt hit the saddle. By the time I retired Gem, I had gotten fairly good at reading her subtle body language cues that informed me she was about to slow down or speed up, cut a corner or hollow and with that early warning system I could then proactively shut whatever she was about to do down and keep us on the trajectory I had planned.

Eeyore is a little harder for me as he tends to not really pre plan his actions and instead is a tad ADD about the whole thing. I haven’t been riding him for as long and he is a bit more erratic. I’m getting better at it on the flat and am finding myself catching him before he hollows or cuts a corner or slows down or speeds up before he actually does it more and more often these days.

This, however, all flies right out the window once we start jumping and my brain reverts to heading off on the cruise ship to hang out with a martini on the pool deck.

Trainer AB is done with allowing me to do this and so our lesson last weekend was focused on getting me to actually ride while jumping. To this end we began with an exercise that annoys me in its simplicity while being extremely difficult for me to replicate well. A simple set of two ground poles set at 5 canter strides. The goal was for me to count the strides out loud and be able to tell her what I felt and how I countered it after each pass through.

It was hard. We’d come in too hot and get 4 strides then I’d over compensate the next pass and shut him down to get 6 strides and only realize it after it was too late to make the adjustment between the poles. It was a great way to get my brain functioning though and by the time I was able to get 5 strides both directions, I was was getting the hang of thinking and riding at the same time.

From there we did basically the same thing only with a cross rail 6 strides to a vertical with the same goals: count the strides, influence the horse to make the striding, then tell her what I did. I’ll tel you that the first time I came in and actually felt him being too slow, put my leg on and got those 6 strides?? It felt freaking AMAZING. I was grinning like a fool. I felt my brain kick in, made a decision and got it done. Wow.

After that she had me run through a course twice before calling it a day.

I learned a lot this lesson. Like A LOT. One of the biggest points for me was to pick up my canter way earlier coming into the exercises/course. I tend to pick it up only a couple strides out because I worry a long approach will allow him to get on the forehand and rushy. However, with only a few strides before the fence I don’t have enough time to get him into any sort of rhythm or balance and found myself fighting to get what I wanted all the way to the base. When I picked the canter up way earlier, sure he could get rushy and on the forehand, but I still had time to influence and change that so we could approach the fence the way I wanted which in turn led to a much nicer effort.

Also, brain – keep working!!!! I generally rode into the exercises way better than out of them. It was like my brain punched the time clock then headed straight to the water cooler to gossip. This perpetuated my feeling of not being in control and that leads to my jumping fears. When I settled down and rode, added leg when I needed or re-balanced and slowed when needed, everything not only rode better but I felt more in control of what happened and that grew my confidence as we went around.

Yet another wonderful lesson in the books and a lot to continue to work on. Hopefully the weather dries out and I can sneak in another lesson soon.

Trainer AB was able to come out over the weekend for my first lesson in way too long. We had others scheduled but it always poured down rain causing them to be moved. This has been a very wet and warm winter so far and while my arena remains a thorn in my side, the footing stays rideable even under 6″ of water which has been my salvage.

There was a lot to talk about since I hadn’t seen her since the last HT. I’ve been waffling a lot about what is best for us as a team – full training, more lessons, her riding him in shows, not showing at all, etc…and trying to really hone in on what I want from horses. It boils down to a few things:

• Have fun – if it isn’t enjoyable it isn’t worth doing. Scary sometimes, yes. Hard work, for sure. But at the end of it all, it must be fun.
• Improvement– nobody likes to feel stuck in a rut. Riding the same backwards ways and working on the same issues gets old, fast. I don’t have any bar I’m striving for here. No set height of jumps or level of competition. What I really want is to feel like I’m a better rider than I was 2 months ago, 6 months ago, 1 year ago.
• Flexibility -Spontaneous plans are the only way I function. I texted Trainer Saturday afternoon to set up the lesson for Sunday. I signed up for the last HT three days before it ran. I don’t have a ride calendar and I don’t pre plan my rides at home. It works for me to decide to enter a jumper show the night before or morning of. However, this means that I have to have a versatile horse who is in shape enough to tackle these last minute shenanigans readily and happily.

With all that in mind I have decided against full training for Eeyore. It isn’t needed for the above and goes against some of them directly. Trainer and I talked and I do want to keep showing. I like the challenge and I find it mostly fun. My confidence stems a lot from knowing my horse will do the thing. To that end, I am officially signing Trainer up to ride Eeyore at Windridge in February. Seeing him tackle all three phases with her will help me realize he can do this and that will make me a lot braver in the saddle.

For the lesson itself, it was pretty eye opening in all the ways I never expected it to be which is pretty par for the course for Trainer AB.

Right now the focus is on getting Eeyore to carry his own head and to understand that rein aids can mean a lot more than “slow down”. A lot of the flat work goes like this:

Eeyore pick up your head. I’m not carrying 1500lbs in my hands

Oh, you want me to slow down, I’m down with that

No, I want you to balance upfront and continue to move. I’m not talking to your feet.

Oh, so this is hard. I’ll just curl behind the bit and suck behind your leg. Then you can’t yell at me because I’m still technically moving and I’m not leaning.

Nope, you can’t do that either

It is hard work for him and me both as it requires my body and mind to do 1000 different things all at once and after just a few circuits around a 20 m circle I find myself out of breath. I will say though that it is getting easier and better for both of us and we are able to get some really good circles before it falls apart. The canter was the most balanced it has been to date as well.

My homework since the last lesson has been to sit up. After hearing trainer repeat “sit up, lean back” a million times in one hour, I declared that she would never have to tell me that again. Or at least not so much. As such, I’ve been working diligently on my upper body not only being more upright, but also being independent of my lower body so that when I give a cue I don’t tip forward. The hard work paid off as not only did I not have to be told to sit up one single time, I also got a lot of praise from Trainer for my stability and position. Wahooo for little wins!!

We finished with the flat portion of the ride and I thought we would move on to jumping, but Trainer had other plans. Remember the whole “needs to be fit and healthy to do the spontaneous activities I get us up to?” part of my life with horses? Yeah…well I’ve failed him miserably on that score and Trainer has a plan for me to fix it. My biggest pasture is pretty perfect for conditioning work. Not only is it plenty big, but it also slopes from right to left and from front to back. She wants me to work up to 10 minutes of canter work up and down that pasture after each ride.

To this end, she had me spend the second half of the lesson out in the field. As soon as we left the arena I tensed. Eeyore can be a giant asshole out in that pasture. It is the only time I have fallen off him – when he lawn darted me at a walk in that field. Trainer gave me a look like “grow a set and go do it” so I set off to trot up the hill. Eeyore immediately had an epic hissy fit. He bucked. He reared. He attempted to bolt away. He went sideways. He jigged. He did everything but be polite and follow directions.

Ah…so now she saw this side of him. She told me she was happy to see this because then she could be there to help me through it and better understood my anxiety about her conditioning plans for us. She set me on a small 15 ish m circle around the water trough to the left. Eeyore bucked and insisted that he would rather go in the barn where Gem and Pete were. She told me to a ) actually sit in the saddle instead of being tense and hovering and b) make him do it even if that meant he went around with his nose touching his butt the entire time. When we went towards the barn, he would speed up. When we went away, he would slow down and try to turn back towards it. I was to ignore all of this and make him do what I wanted. It took about 25 circles before he started to listen and then we repeated it to the right. it took less time and then we did a huge circuit of the entire pasture with her walking beside me. She got her steps in that day.

We manged to finish on a good note with instructions to begin with 5 minutes out in the field at the end of every ride. Once he behaved at the walk, introduce the trot then the canter then work up to 10 minutes. I’m not sure how long that will take, but I will do it.

You know, I’m not sure what Trainer thinks of Eeyore. I’m not sure she would ever tell me to sell him, but I also don’t think she would be all that sad if I did. Her biggest issue with him is his lack of obedience. His opinions that turn into action. While we were fighting over working in the field, she told me “He doesn’t get to have an opinion about this. He needs to learn that when you tell him to walk or trot in the field, he just does it. No questions asked. No temper tantrum thrown. If he wants to squeal under his breath, fine, but he does what you say”

It is something she has told me before and something I am working on instilling in him, but this too will take time. For now, I have my homework and will work hard at it until I get to set up time with her again.

The barn is slowly getting renovated/remodeled and with each step forward I am falling more in love with it. The first major project was putting on a new roof as the old one was leaking significantly. Once that debacle ended, Dusty was able to re wire the barn and get all the outlets functioning once again. The last project we did was to cement the barn aisle and get rid of the 6″+ of loose, fluffy dirt that poofed into the air with every step taken and coated everything including all my tack in a fine layer of dust within 30 seconds. Once those projects were done, it was on to the fun stuff.

Currently I am using the old show office as my tack room and it is working out ok. It is small, but has a door and a ceiling to keep the dirt out. The issue is that most of the space is occupied by a large work bench, an old fridge, the electric panel and a ladder up to the loft which take up 3 of the 4 walls, limiting my options for organization. The actual tack room is down the aisle a little ways but has been sitting unused because a) no ceiling b) no door and c) rotten floor boards from previously leaking roof.

Well, it was time to finally start turning that room into a usable space again so that I can move my tack out of the show office and turn that into Dusty’s workshop. The first fix was easy: remove the rotten floor boards and put down new ones. We needed to remove the top most wall board for the next project, so Dusty re-purposed those for the floor.

The bigger issue was the ceiling. Thankfully, Dusty’s brother is an engineer, super project savvy and was coming down with his family to visit us after Christmas. The trip turned into a group effort to build a ceiling which turned out better than I ever imagined and was also a lot of fun in the process. There were a total of 10 of us, though Wyatt floated in and out, and it took us from 7 am – 5:30 pm to get the job done and everything cleaned up.

This is not a DIY how to because I’m not an engineer and I am not project savvy. I refused to use any of the power tools so I was relegated as the official measurer , carrier of heavy things, and cleaner upper, but I did pay close attention to what we were doing, asked a lot of questions and learned a lot along the way. I’ll do my best to summarize how we went from an empty space above our heads to a gorgeous, custom made drop ceiling in the span of about 10 hours, but don’t go trying this at home off this post. I’m sure I’m leaving things out and I don’t know the correct names for anything.

The first step was to create a frame around the top of the wall. I asked why we removed boards just to add new ones and was told that the new boards were bigger. This was super quick.

From here, it got a little tricky. We needed to put up metal brackets that would hold wooden beams that spanned the width of the room. The room was not built square, which wasn’t surprising, and we had to get them all parallel and level or the panels wouldn’t work. We used a laser leveler, lots of measuring and some ingenuity to get this part figured out.

While those smarter than me were doing this job, I was out in the barn aisle helping to create the beams that would sit in the brackets. This was really fun and also not something my brain would ever have been able to conjure up. We took the measurements that the boys shouted over the wall at us, cut the board to length, then added a second smaller board to the top of this one, cut it 2″ shorter and screwed it on. This created a T shaped beam that would sit inside the bracket and have a lip to hold the panels.

Once all the beams were done, they were screwed into the brackets.

While the boys were on ladders (another task I refused to do) a group of us headed over to the table saw I got Dusty for Christmas this year and began cutting down large plywood panels into smaller rectangles. The center 24 were easy to do as they were all the same shape, but the short sides of the room were not square so six panels had to be cut with one end wider than the other.

One final last set of boards needed to be added to the frame work before we could move on. A small 1×2 was added under the T beams to create a more finished look.

Phew! We were nearly there. This next step took forever. Two boards were needed length wise, perpendicular to the T beams to create the proper grid framing for the panels. In order for these boards to sit well, notches were cut out of the T beams. We had discussed doing this while making the T beams, but the fear was that if they were off at all once the beams were installed, it would look awful or not work. So….the guys cut the notches out over head while installed. Not a job for me.

From there it was attaching the beams through that notch to finish the grid

Then we had to take measurements of the openings along the two short side walls. Since the room is not square, we had to make adjustments to create panels that were wider at one end to fit properly.

We all let out a cheer when the final panel slid into place and we had a completed ceiling. It was a lot of work but with a great group of people all pitching in, it was fun and went by fast.

Dusty needs to install new lights since the ceiling went below the height of the old ones but I haven’t decided what I want yet so that is on me. I plan to spend New Years Eve and Day staining the panels a dark brown and painting the beams white to finish it off.

The next step for the tack room will be to create a door which is proving more annoying than we thought. The opening is an odd size: too big for a single door, too small for double doors so we are weighing our options on that. Once we have a sealed in room, it will be on to organization and then moving everything in. Its a large space, so I have plenty to work with and already know the basic gist of where I want things on which wall. The biggest issue is that I really don’t like having everything on the walls in the open. No matter how organized it still looks cluttered and messy to me, so Dusty has been tasked with building a wall of lockers so my saddles and bridles can all be behind closed doors for a much cleaner look. That is going to take a while to do though, so in the meantime we will make a trip to Ikea for storage ideas and use temporary saddle racks that I already have.

I can’t wait for the tack room to be finished. It will be a great renovation to the barn and one step closer to having it all done.

While I’m confused/miffed at Cambox for doing whatever it is they are doing, life is still pretty darn good and chugging along.

Eeyore has been on his best behavior for all rides post the FGF HT debacle, so maybe he has learned a thing or two about not being a turd to start and conserving energy.

The number one goal right now is finding that line between him hanging on my hands and backing out of the contact altogether. Trainer gave me some awesome tips, starting with sit the frick up and stop letting him pull me down with him. Shocking I know. I’ve been really working hard at this and it has made a huge difference in his response to me.

It’s still a work in progress as now he is taking to using any contact as an excuse to stop moving his feet and curl his chin to his chest. Lots of leg is needed to keep him moving when he gets bunched up like that but I think we are making some headway.

I also didn’t break his pleasure in jumping as I feared I did. We’ve been working on a mix of dressage stuff and then a few jumps then back to dressage to break it up. I need to jump more often to get the muscle memory of my flow with him and to keep my confidence up. It seems like every fence grows 3’ when I haven’t jumped in a while.

I don’t want to over do it though and this combination of back and forth is working for both of us at the moment. The real reason I got so many blocks and poles is to build an easy to put up/take down dressage arena inside my jump one. Dusty wracked his brain for a way to make this possible without spending 3k on a true arena. He came up with using jump blocks to elevate poles off the ground, calculated how many we’d need for each side and then ordered letters that stick in the ground as well. The theory is that I can build the dressage court when I want it and take it apart to set up jumps when I don’t. It won’t be perfectly 20m x 60m, I think it’s a foot or so off on each side but it will be close enough. It was an awesome, thoughtful and creative gift that gives me a lot of exercise possibilities. No excuses now for bad geometry.

Trainer has been off having a life in another state for the holidays and I am not so patiently awaiting her return so I can get back under her expert eye. The Pessoa bit she wants me to try is still on back order, ugh the story of my life right now, but as soon as that comes in I’m excited to try it and see if it helps bring him up in the front end. Or at least prevents him dropping down so much in front of a jump.

Nothing else super exciting to report. I’m trying to see if I can get Trainer to ride him at Windridge in Feb. Originally I was going to be out of town that weekend, but the place was booked and I had to postpone the trip a couple weeks. This frees up Windridge though and Dusty is off so fingers crossed Trainer isn’t busy that weekend and can get Eeyore some confidence boosting show miles for me.

I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season and the ever so slightly longer days if you squint real hard.

What. A. Year.

2019 can best be summed up as a year of transformation for me. I am not the same person now as I was to start the year and while I still have a ways to go to be the person/rider I want to be, I’m a heck of a lot closer than I was and I am really proud of that fact.

I started 2019 questioning pretty much everything with horses. Did I make the right choice in Eeyore? Should I keep him? Is eventing even the right discipline for me? Am I a good enough rider to do this? Am I brave enough?

By the time the spring rolled around I knew I needed some outside help and began looking for a trainer that I felt comfortable with and would work with me and my hectic schedule. It took a few misses and until the end of May before I found Trainer AB and my whole world changed.

I first rode with her on May 31, 2019 and from the very first minutes of that ride I knew everything was going to be alright. Hard and scary at times, but alright.

Trainer AB has completely transformed me as a rider in ways that I have a hard time explaining. Sure my posture is better. Sure my timing of the aides is faster. Sure I don’t lock my elbows as much. But those aren’t the important ways that she has changed me.

At the beginning of 2019 I was a reactive rider both physically and emotionally. I was scared and being scared makes you a bad rider no matter how tall you sit up and how loose your elbows are. Ground poles created anxiety and anything raised over 6″ off the ground threw me into cardiac arrest. I lacked the tools I needed to deal with his exuberance of energy at the beginning of the ride and then lacked the tools I needed to deal with his insistence that he was dying near the end of the ride. And because I was fearful, I’d overreact and end up punishing him unduly or let him get away with things in fear of picking a fight and it escalating.

Now I’m no longer afraid. I’m no longer afraid to insist that he does what I ask. I’m no longer afraid to put my leg on and grab mane. I’m no longer afraid to push my own limits. Sure, I’m still a wimp. I don’t like big fences and 2’3″ is giving me heart palpitations sitting here thinking about. But being a wimp and being afraid are two different things and my definition of being a wimp is changing. Where I once felt that 12″ was too high, I now have my heart set on getting around a 2’3″ course without looking like a complete failure. And I will own a starter xc course this spring.

I have a lot to work on still. I need to sit up and stop curling into a fetal position. I need to grab more mane and stay out of his way over the bigger fences. I need to figure out how to get him out of my hands but still in the bridle. I need to work on our bend forever. There is so much to learn. I’m finally in a place where I can learn those things and I have a great team of support behind me to get there.

I’m really excited about 2020. I have a trainer I adore, a horse that I love to work with, a supportive family and a big, big dream to conquer the starter division at a schooling HT before the summer lull hits. There is a lot of work to do before then and for the first time in a long time, I feel ready to tackle it all.

One of the biggest lessons I learned this year is that while you can technically do eventing alone, it is a whole heck of lot easier and more fun to do it with a “tribe” (I still hate that word) at your back. No way would I have done either of the HTs this year without the support system around me. Sure we failed at the second one, but even failure is easier to swallow when your Trainer texts you with a plan of action and reassurance that it was only a bump in the road.

Trainer AB has spun my world on its head and I am loving it. Here’s to more personal growth in 2020!

Emily from May As Well Event posted a great picture challenge on her blog to post a picture from each year of the last decade as we enter 2020. I’m hopping on this one!

2010

Enter Gemmie. This is the picture from the day I brought her underfed, wormy, sorta ugly body home to a boarding barn in Ohio. It was January 2, 2010. I can’t believe it’s been a decade. Also proof that I wasn’t always a wimpy Southerner and did in fact once live where it was cold and snowy.

2011

My first ever endurance ride! A 25 mile limited distance outing in all the wrong tack and all the wrong clothes. Fun fact: this was the first time I ever rode Gem solo on trail. Another fun fact: We finished in 8th place in a huge field but I didn’t know best condition was a thing so I packed up and went home. We were living in WI at the time and I was in my first year of residency.

2012

Still in WI and now a second year resident which meant life got a lot better. We snuck in a fall trail ride before the trails closed for the year. It was gorgeous.

2013

We had moved down to SC that summer and Pete was still a riding horse. We got a babysitter for Wyatt and hit up my first hunter pace. It was gorgeous and I was addicted from the get go.

2014

Somehow I managed to go all of 2014 with a cell phone and didn’t get any pictures of me on my horse. I did my first 50 mile endurance ride on Gem this year finishing middle of the pack and happy. This is her in camp the day before the ride.

2015

This was followed closely by a February 50 mile endurance ride. I love looking at these pictures and remembering how much Gem ate up the trail. She loved endurance. It is also pretty neat to see how all my gear changed. I was now in an endurance saddle, tights, light weight mesh half chaps, a halter/bridle combo, and sporting a hydration pack. It took me a long time to hone in my endurance equipment.

2016

Long time readers knew this one was coming. I’ve used it a lot. This is from the 100 mile endurance ride I did at Biltmore in the spring. One of the best days of my life. Gem was so happy and on it all day long. We finished middle of the pack and she could have easily kept going had there been more trails to do.

2017

This was the year I hung up my endurance gear and picked up eventing. The above picture was taken while we waited to go in for our dressage test in an amoeba level CT at Full Gallop Farm. We ended up placing in the ribbons which still shocks me. You can see quite clearly why this was the one and only CT we ever did. Gem hated everything about being an arena horse.

2018

Gem retired and Eeyore joined the herd mid 2018 and then immediately went lame. I don’t have many riding pictures from this year since most of it was spent sidelined while he grew his hoof back and I found a farrier who knew what he was doing. This was right as he came back to work before the year ended.

2019

It was hard to pick my favorite from this year. There are so many I love. I think this wins because even though my equitation is awful, I had been petrified of this pipe jump to point where I was shaking. Yet we went and did it and now I’m doing combinations with two pipe jumps and have added a rail on top. Trainer has changed me in ways I can’t even explain.

Thanks Emily for the awesome trip down memory lane.

This is my absolute favorite time in blogland. The gift posts are the best of the entire year and I get just as excited to see what other people get as I am for my own box to arrive.

Olivia from Hellomylivia with the most wondrous Frankie sent me the nicest gifts this year and I love them all.

First is the note which is super cute.

Maybe someday my Orange Butthead will be like her Frankie and I’ll start calling him a unicorn, but until then I’ll keep this stuffed one as a reminder of where we are going.

Eeyore will eat up the Mrs. Pastures in a flash and I’ve been dying to get my hands on a Tiger Tongue and see what all that bad boy grooming tool can do.

Thank you Olivia!!!! Everything is perfect and I hope you and your loved ones all have a wonderful Christmas.